Uptown's new water bottling facility

Six hours.......two hours.......30 minutes........50 seconds.......I type $181.20 and left click. "You are currently the highest bidder." Oh My God, am I actually going to win it this time? 10 seconds, "You have been outbid." "F*$&!!!!!" I have been defeated again. Damn you Ebay, Damn you! "Now what do I do? I know, I will drown my woes with some cold refreshing beer." I tuck in my sorrow, grab my keys, and head out to Sheridan Liquors. "I wonder if I will witness anything blog worthy," I think to myself. 

HOLY S$#%! As I came upon Leland and Magnolia, my eyes focused on a fraken¹ fountain shooting out of the asphalt in the middle of the street. "I have to stop leaving my phone and my camera at home!" I ran home, grabbed my tools of technology, and rushed back to the scene.

I immediately summoned the spirit of Ansel Adams and shot as many photos as my little memory card would allow. Soon after I called 911 and reported the incident. Eventually my call made its way to Streets and Sanitation where they assured me they knew about it and had a truck on the way. 

Well I guess I can add another badge to my Boy Scout Sash. Oh wait, I was kicked out of Boy Scouts when I was 8 for breaking the son of the den mothers G.I. Joe toy. CRAP!

1 Fracken: Frack or frak is a bowdlerised version of fuck first used in the original Battlestar Galactica series. In the "re-imagined" version it appears with greater frequency and with the revised spelling "frak" (the producers wanted to make it a four letter word). YES I AM A NERD

Halloween in April

You know that car commercial where they make fun of how right after you send in your last car payment, your car dies? It was on my mind yesterday as I was placing a newly charged car battery into my (recently paid off car) for the third time this month. Until I figure out what is freakishly draining my battery, I will have to continue this fuel cell dance; tighten the bolts, close the hood, turn the keys and pray. 

What the hell does this have to do with Halloween you ask? As I slowly made my way to Magnolia and Lawrence, my car was surrounded by about 10 or so teens ranging from 12-18 yrs old. As the group passed by me, the youngest of the bunch yelled something at me while flashing what looked like gang signs. This kid couldn't have been more than 12 years old and it made my heart sink thinking about what kind of future he will have, if any. Since I was the only car at the intersection I decided to keep my eye on the group for a bit and that is when I noticed one of the kids, who looked like the oldest, wearing the same hoodie in the picture above. Now, if I saw this article of clothing in the burbs I wouldn't have given it a second thought, but this is Uptown and I just got flashed gang signs so it disturbed me a bit. I could only imagine walking home at night being accosted by some dude in this get up. 

The group continued walking down the middle of the street as if they were letting everyone know they own it. After the 2 girls in the group moved to the sidewalk, the boys spread out Reservoir Dogs style and blocked any chance of a car let alone a cyclist getting by. It was kind of a weird thing to witness and I can only imagine what would have happened if I was still at my car, messing with the battery, as they walked by. I kinda wish I had been, probably would have made a more interesting story. 

Later on as I was driving south on Damen, with the group of kids on my mind, I almost ran over a guy lying on top of his bicycle in the middle of the road. It happened so fast, not a second before he was right behind me when he shot out in front of my car and, "WHAM." When I'm on my bike not much scares me more than the driver of a freshly parked car opening their door right as I pass by. I knew a guy a few years back who had his right nipple re-attached after a similar accident and I throw up in my mouth a little every time the image crosses my mind. Soon after making my FBI like swerve around the scene, it occurred to me, good thing I try not to use my phone while driving because I would probably be sitting in jail right now as my bloody car, with a dying battery, rusts in the impound lot. 

Wow I have a sick since of humor :)

Hello, I'm Officer Bob

While hanging out with a group of friends over the weekend, my friend Heather (a very talented artist and web designer) told me about a project she has been working on called Officer Bob. Today she sent me an email about the project, this is how it was described:

Officer Bob is an entertainment property that is basically a parody of law enforcement and the abuses that go along with the men in blue. It's the brain child of Rob Warmowski, one of the founding producers of Aught-Seven. He's grown up in Chicago (Rogers Park actually) and has seen some really spectacular examples of police brutality and incompetence in his day. He was 1 yr old when the democratic convention riots of 1968 happened, if that gives you some perspective on his perspective. 

We have done 2 flash cartoons so far and have another 18 planned for release in the next 6 months. We also have a podcast and are now doing the "Hotsheet" on our site. The hotsheet is basically recent news items (related to coppery) annotated by Officer Bob's voice. Our goal is to entertain and educate.

After watching the cartoons I have to say I am pretty impressed and can't wait to see more. So if you've got some free time check out officer-bob.com and while you're at it sign up for their podcasts too. "Yay," another website for me to peruse while I am supposed to be working.

For the record, I do believe there are good cops out there whom on a daily basis risk their lives trying their best to make our communities safer; to them I tip my hat with respect. Unfortunately corruption has many faces. It's those who have the power and ability to make positive changes and instead abuse it for their own self interests that make this world so hard for so many. Well, to quote an old friend, "That hurts my Heart."

Fire Marshall Butternut to the rescue

After being sick as a dog for almost two weeks, I finally emerged from my cave and took in the nice weather we had today (Wed.). I had a pile of paychecks from clients sitting on my desk and I figured if I wanted to eat I might want to deposit them, so I took advantage of the weather and went for a walk to the bank. On my way south on Magnolia I took in the many sites that one usually experiences in Uptown, people walking dogs, parents sitting behind gates watching their children play, joggers, crack dealers at the corner of Wilson and Magnolia, gang bangers hanging out at Sunnyside Mall, a random crazy white dude yelling at the sky, and the thrill of spotting graffiti. Mostly a pretty uneventful walk, that is until I turned East onto Montrose.

Pretty much the second I took a left onto Montrose I smelled something burning. I looked around and couldn't see anything obvious so I kept walking hoping I would find the source. As I walked East I noticed a guy with a fairly large baby stroller walking towards me. Awe a baby, I thought to myself. It's pretty hard not to look at a baby and smile, of course, if the dude who spawned the child is a DICK, it's hard to keep that warm feeling. I am always amazed that there are people in this world who go out of their way to be jerk-wads. So I am getting ready to pass this guy, who is walking on the opposite side of the sidewalk, and what does he do with all the room he had, a split second before passing me he deliberately moves the stroller right in front of me which forced me off the sidewalk. After he passed me I stopped and turned around to the sound of a chuckle coming from this dumbass. Good thing I am a pretty mellow, and observant, guy cause the glance I got of his arm as he passed showed off a tattoo of a crown. Probably not the best idea to get in a fight with a dude who is crazy enough to use his kid as a weapon and just might be a member of the Latin Kings, so I just shook my head and kept walking. No more than 2 seconds later I found it. 

Just north of Montrose on Clifton was a bunch of small smoking pits in a mulch bed. I didn't have my phone on me but I was able to find a picture online that matches what I saw. Since it was pretty windy out, and there was a ton of new mulch all over the place,  I tried to put it out with my shoes. After a couple of minutes I realized I couldn't extinguish the fires without water so I went to the bank down the street and did something I am getting pretty good at lately, calling the Fire Dept. On my way back home I witnessed a fire truck at the scene and water everywhere, the smoke was out. Actually, they soaked all of the mulch around the entire building so who knows, maybe I kept someone's building from going up in flames. I need to start calling myself Fire Marshal Butternut.

It's a good thing I am observant but sometimes I'm just not that bright. Even though I now had money in the bank, it wasn't till I got home that I remembered I still don't have any food. So I grabbed my keys once again and returned to the great outdoors. Just another day in Uptown.